I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
