...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
