Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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