if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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