Having a random hookup so left but love u
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
