My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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