the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Success! We fucked roommates!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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