I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize