Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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