lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
