physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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