i just wanna soil my oats bro
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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