and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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