but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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