There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
