My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
