apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
