do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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