he puts the penis in happiness.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
