I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
