She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
