I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
