How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
