Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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