I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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