So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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