Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
