So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
