I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
did i just pee glitter
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
