And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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