Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
