i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
