Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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