The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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