I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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