I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
