i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
