Kiss
Puke
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
