Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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