Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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