The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
