woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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