eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
