I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
