Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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