the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
