Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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