Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
