Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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