I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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