your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
