quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
