he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
