I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
