i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
false alarm. still invincible.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
