You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
