I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize