dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
