yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
