I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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