I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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