Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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