"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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