i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she peed on how many people?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
