I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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