mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
