Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Even my vagina gasped.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
