So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
