K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize