just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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