she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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