I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
