Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
