just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I could fuck to npr.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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