My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
